Please Tell Me

I don’t know how you did it.
Be happy that is.
Somehow you managed
to do what I have always
wanted to do.
You became normal.
Its not that I don’t
want to be happy.
God knows I do.
But, it’s like I have
spent the past six
years doing something.
Everyday.
Constantly.
There was no brake,
no reprieve.
Just day in day out.
I did it for six years.
And someone went
and flipped a switch on me.
All of a sudden I don’t
have to do that thing anymore.
I don’t have to do it,
I don’t have to think about it,
I don’t have to dwell
on doing it tomorrow.
Its over. And I don’t
know how to handle myself
with out it. I spent the past
six years feeling like shit,
and now, all of a sudden,
I don’t. just like that.
I should be feeling happy,
feeling relieved that
that part of my life is over.
But instead I feel, well,
in all honesty, I feel empty.
Dry. Cold.
Like what made me who
I was is gone, and now
I have to find something
else to do with my time.
Even writing doesn’t hold
such an appeal as it did before.
I wrote to get away,
and now I have nothing
to get away from.
I am actually looking
for things to be upset about.
I search my surroundings
for something that is amiss,
something that can set me off.
So tell me, how did you do it?
How did you go from
being like what we were,
to this? How did you flip
the switch and not close your eyes to the
light?