Catch Me

So I am falling for him.
I tried not to, not because
I don’t like him,
god knows I do –
but rather because
of my fear of him
hurting me. I know
he would never,
not consciously anyway,
but I also can’t help
feeling like there is
something in the darkness
that I never want to know.
Something I have tasted
but never fully experienced
before. So I tried to
stop myself, to not text him,
to not call him “babe”.
To not get warm inside
when he called me “sweetheart”.
I tried so hard. But, the thing is,
I cant stop chasing him.
I can’t and frankly
I don’t want to either.
If it weren’t for this
overwhelming exhaustion
I have I wouldn’t mind
the least. But I am so tired.
God I am so tired it hurts.
I just want stability,
something to fall back on
when the rest of my world crashes.
And I know my world will crash,
it’s only a matter of time.
Time and everything
I have done will fall;
leaving only the things
that can stand on their own.
If he isn’t there, isn’t with me,
I don’t know what I will do.
Even you can’t support me
when this time comes.
So what will I do when I fall,
and no one is there to catch me?