Ice Queen

So I am wondering,
is it possible to love
more than one person?
I think that it is, but
that still doesn’t change
the feeling that I am getting
every time I talk to him.
I mean, he is great.
He makes me smile no matter
what we are talking about.
Every time that he says my name
it makes me hum inside.
But I feel like I am cheating,
on you, on Miranda.
It’s not like we will ever
do anything, he lives in
Fuckin California.
But it is nice to dream.
Dream of living there,
an hour from the beach,
with him. To keep him
company, make him happy,
and have him keep my sane.
Because he is so good at that.
Makes everything I am feeling
seem so trivial
compared to the big scheme of things.
Every time that I log on and
I see his name on my screen I glow,
feel whole again. The same way that
I felt the other night with Miranda,
sleeping next to me, my arm wrapped
around her body, her leg across mine.
I felt whole. And I love that feeling.
The feeling of normalcy.
Of being human and not
some ice cold freak
who pushes every one away
for fear of being hurt again.
I hate that person that hides
in me and these people,
my friends, so few they are,
they keep me from going crazy,
from losing it completely.
And I wont even get started
on Michael and how much I miss him,
even though I have never met him,
he lives on the other side of the globe,
but I miss him all the same.
I can’t wait until he comes
back and we can talk again.
Even not talking, but knowing that he is home,
would be better than this.
This icicle feeling
I have right now. This icicle feeling
I have all the time.